Dad-in-training #1

What does authenticity look like? Better yet, what does an authentic dad look like? That is a question that comes at me when I least expect it. Am I scared? Wonderfully so. I cannot wait for that moment when I hold little Claire for the first time, and then bring her home to see her room, and to meet Eli. But what do I do after that? What if I feed her wrong? What if I can't change her diaper properly (I am terrified of doing it!)? What if she cries and I can't tell what she wants? What if I can't afford to pay for her to go to college? What if I can't help her get a car? What if I get mad one day and say something rude and she decides to have nothing to do with me? What if I can't protect her? (Ya think I would be wrong to ask if I am going to be a basket-case?)

The truth is that I probably will mess up some of those things; scratch that-I will mess up some of those things. But what I want to be, more than anything, is an authentic dad. I want to be strong and gentle, humble yet proud. I want her to know she is safe with daddy no matter how old she is. I want her to see something in me that she wants for herself. But how in holy heck do I do all of this? Well, I think I finally got an answer. I am currently reading the book How to Hit a curve Ball, Grill the Perfect Steak, and Become a Real Man. I feel like I have forgotten so much of what I have already read, but today one short excerpt hit me like lightning striking my brain (movie? movie? any guesses?). The authors said that to have authentic relationships we need to recognize the many facets that help us to do that. The second one (there were 3) was that we need to recognize "more and more the profound work of Christ's resurrection in our lives, and our response to it." Wow. I have always been aware of what the resurrection means to me, but how I respond to it has never really hit me like that, but how do you "respond" to the resurrection?

Well, I went to my Bible, and as fate would have it I opened my Bible and saw my answer right before me. It comes from John 11:17-44. Lazarus is dead, and Jesus is on His way to see Mary and Martha so He can show them "the glory of God." Now, they are not aware of that, but what they didn't know didn't hurt them. The two sisters had very different responses. Martha ran to meet Jesus and basically got in His face asking where the heck He had been. But Mary stayed home. She came only after Jesus called for her. Martha seemed angry, and Mary seemed heart-broken; Martha was vocal, Mary was contemplative. Anger and tears can be a terrible combination but to Jesus that was perfectly fine.

He came to tell them that HE was the resurrection and the life. HE and He alone could show them the glory of God. Martha still questioned it, and Mary stood by silently, but through all of that Jesus still called Lazarus out. And Lazarus came...bringing all 4 days worth of silent-but-deadly stench along with him. See, I realize now that Jesus just doesn't give me life when I believe just as He promised Martha (vs. 25-26), but He calls my stink out with Him. Like Martha, I can believe that and still doubt, but that doesn't stop the work of the resurrection and the life within me. Christ takes my stink and calls me out of it whether I am aware of it or not, and if I forget that I will get lost in the journey of fatherhood.

What's so great about this? That I stink and Jesus loves me anyway...just like Claire will, and I will certainly give the same to her. Since I have the resurrection and the life in me I can always have hope that things that seem to die can be brought back to life. That's good news.